Leadership and fear.

 I happen to be on the Society of Editors (WA) committee - mostly as a result of there being no one to take on anything to do with anything technological. 

 As if I didn't have anything better to do with my time, I stepped down from the positions of website manager and membership officer this last month... and put my hand up for the convenor of the 2013 national conference. 

I am the convenor of a national conference. 

If you aren't laughing by now, you should be. 

IPEd (Institute of Professional Editors) put it to us: "Sydney is taking on 2011, everyone else has done it - can Perth take on 2013?" 

About seven to ten of us met several times to research options and make a decision: "Yes or no?"

Part of our reasoning was that we could only say "Yes" if we were sure that there would be people ready and willing to put in time and effort in 2013 - something which stumped us all - I mean, who knows what they are going to be doing three years in advance?  In the end, we did some guesswork. Everyone stated how much time they would have to contribute in the three months before the conference and I estimated the hours per week and read them out. And not having any kind of clue what I would be doing in 2013 resulted in me having the most time free. As a result I became convenor. 

I suppose the question is why? I have never been convenor of a conference before - there was no conference related experience I was bringing to the table. But here is why I do things: 

1) Because I am going to learn something from the experience;
2) Because I am creating something or helping someone else create something of value that I believe in; or,
3) Because I am both learning and creating something of value.

We have a 100 plus members in the Society, most of whom we can't rely on for anything because they mostly respond with an apathetic "Meh". They might get excited by an idea but they can't commit time or effort to something because most of them have families. I see the conference as being of value to them - most of them do not get to go to the conferences due to other commitments or it being too cost prohibitive. We could bring it to them. They could network with prospective employers and clients. They could learn a thing or two. 

I am also learning about being a leader. And with my natural first instinct to point out potential problems/needs ( I think people fail to understand that I am equally enthusiastic about stuff but I am also seeing the entire picture - I don't like wandering blindly into very big things), I think it's a good thing I am on this committee.  

The Sydney conference is coming up and somehow we have to get there and convince everyone to come to ours two years from now. Our last meeting was held recently to decide what we were going to present and while people were discussing the text (we are editors, so I gave them five or ten minutes to quibble over phrasing) I started going through all the research into the numbers and projected figures we had done (I have a huge stack of paper).

Mental calculations started happening: how much the Society had, how much it seemed this conference was going to cost, where we could streamline things and two years in which anything could happen though I was fairly sure there wouldn't be another global financial crisis until after 2020 at the least (if you want to know how I know that, ask, it's another long story to tell).

And I realised that we were scared. Over here in WA, we always felt that the industry was different and did not receive as much support or credit from various sources as it could. We always feel a bit left out. Everything happens at a small level or in a niche here which is just how it works out. With the Society being a big means of supporting the 100 plus editors we have, we didn't want to risk it not existing any more.

But with confirmation sent over East, it seemed (note: seemed not actually was) like we were just about to do that. Despite the fact that this was common ground we had covered ad nauseam before making the final decision. We had looked at the numbers before. 

But we were still scared. We were still hesitant. We weren't sure if we could pull this off. 

And that's when I realised: I am the leader here, not the Society President sitting across from me whom I know is running on the same wavelength here - I am CONVENOR. This fear is going to show up again and again. X, Y and Z here are going to be less productive because of the fear. I have to do something. It's getting to the "run around like decapitated chickens knee jerk reaction" stage here. This is something with which we cannot put up. This is something I cannot put up with. I AM THE LEADER HERE, DAMN IT! 

So we decided: we are doing A and B, this is when we are next meeting. End of meeting. 

And then a few days later, I sent out an email. 

An email that said that in the five minutes I had taken to think about it, there were several ideas and here they were: 1, 2, and 3 etc. That these were the roles that we needed people to take on and this is what they entailed: 1, 2, and 3 etc. That this was what we discussed and this was who was responsible for looking into certain things: 1, 2, 3 etc. That this was our current schedule for what needed to be done and this was what we need to discuss at the next meeting: 1, 2,  and 3 etc. 

And I wrote it in my own voice - jokes and all. It was an email to a few people not an official document. Our roles are informal, we are going to do a damn good proper job of this and we are going to do it our way and we are going to have fun doing it - that's what I wanted to convey. Down to the fact that I noted that I didn't know what to term half of the roles: "Speaker wrangler, anyone?" and the fact that I told everyone to print it off and read it over hot chocolate and simply reply with yay or nay and reasons why. 

It was one email but it did several things: 
1) It reassured them that they have someone in charge who is willing, still excited but still able to see clearly what needs to be done and what the next steps are. This is calming.  
2) They have an idea of where to go next and what to do. So is this - they have direction. 

3) They know who is responsible for what so far and what has already been done. Even better, there is accountability. 
4) They have some ideas now for how we can further protect ourselves and the Society from the risk involved. This lessens the source of the fear. For the moment at least. 

5) It's in a fairly concrete form - they can refer back to the email if they need to. 

6) They realised that we have time - we have a bit of built in breathing space right now because we are far ahead of where we should be (I have a nifty little planning schedule that we keep referring to). 

I didn't think very long and hard about this email. I just typed it out and sent it off, knowing that I needed to put this all down and as soon as possible. 

But it comes from knowing about fear. I don't want to gamble with communal resources either and I know that this fear is normal, that it's going to keep cropping up throughout this process and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am scared - I have never done this before. But I'll be damned if I am going to in any way shape or form, let this project flop badly (if we do have to bow out, I'd rather do it with minimal loss and some sense of grace). 

And I am leader. So I can't let my committee members give into the fear when it shows up. And this is what gets me out of the hiding under the bed mode - a sense of direction, some knowledge of what's going on and some means of being pro-active and the indication that others are pulling their weight. So that's what I tried to show them. 

Leadership: knowing what is, what isn't, what can be worked around and what can't be. Emotional empathy. Planning for everything that can reduce the unjustifiable risk (anything happening to the Society) and letting go with the justifiable risk (having the people over East think we are crazy). Caring about the people you lead and what you're working for to realise you have to think about them too and that you have to build a system that allows them to work the way that they can best do the work - that they need to get something out of this too. Being responsible. Being respectful. Having an emotional investment in what you are trying to achieve that's strong enough to let you get excited but weak enough to let you walk away if it is the best thing to do. 

Did I mention that I hate leading? 

But someone has to. Because you have just got to love a group of people who think the worst thing you could possibly ever do is be on the wrong side of a mailing list war over whether "shall not" should be contracted to "sha'n't" or "shan't" .